Science

by Ben & Amy

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credits

released September 15, 2007

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Track Name: Conversation With A Robot
Hello!

Robots do not have conversations.

Oh.
Track Name: Birthday
Why does no-one ever listen when I tell them it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday why does no-one ever listen when I tell them it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday why does no-one pay attention when I tell them it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday why does no-one bloody listen when I tell them it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday it's my birthday...

It's not your birthday!
Track Name: Bending Metal
Bending metal, a-bending metal, I can't do it, I can't do it

Bend that metal, wurh wurh.

I told you to bend that metal, why aren't you doing it?
Track Name: Union Jack
Union Jack, he's Union Jack
He's Lord Admiral Union Jack
Union Jack, he's Union Jack
He's head of the Navy

He drinks Red Bull
He eats fish and chips
He throws rocks at birds
I think he plays the bagpipes

Union Jack wanted to deliver the post
But he wasn't the right man
He roasted people's letters, and posted roast lamb
He has owls for tea, he drives around in a bin
He plays cards with a tree
He spliffs up cars, he knocks down walls
He drives a bus into a school

He has a ship called Cuthbert
And it sails in the sea
It's got a nuclear reactor
That's made of ice cream
He knows the Isle of Wight is a bird
Because he shot it down
He bets on dust races
In all sorts of places
His dog is called 'Over 31'
Track Name: Moose Hotel
Moose Hotel
Moose Hotel
Moose please, no mole

Hello. I would like a room for my moose.
He's not a mole.

That will be £12.50 please, would you wait over there for a moment?

Er, excuse me sir?

Yes?

It's about your moose. He's not a mole, is he?

No!

Right.

Here is the key to the room for your moose.
Now allow me to show you where it is.

Wow...look at that, moose. What do you say?
This will be perfect. I'll come back in the morning to collect you, bye!
Track Name: Tea
I like tea
I like it when it's three
O'clock and I'm thirsty
I want some tea
I like tea
It fills me with glee
I climb up a tree to drink tea

I want twenty-three cups of tea just for me
I want twenty-three cups of tea, can't you see?

I like tea, just for me
Not for you, but for me
That tea you see on the TV
Now that's the ideal tea for me
Also, to a lesser degree
I sometimes like to drink coffee
But not as much as I like tea
For I have won the tea Grand Prix

I will go to the Dead Sea
A salty sea, where there's no tea
And I will fill it up with tea
(Not my tea, but your tea, you see)
And then I'll have a sea of tea
Where people will go to sight-see
Or watch the whole thing on TV
They'll have to pay, 'cause it's not free
I'll charge a small admission fee
And that fee will be paid in tea

I'll organise a jubilee
For tea with a celebrity
Who pours the tea out just for me
While I stand by and referee
I've got myself a Phd in tea
(that's a degree in tea)
So now I'm a tea deity
And that means you should give me tea

Now I shall be the King of Tea
Its lord for all eternity
Get down upon your knee
For I'm the Emperor of Tea
And if you dare to disagree
I'll blow you up with TNT
And once I've cleared up the debris
I think I'll have a cup of tea
Track Name: Underwear Cookery
Now, you'll need to melt a loincloth in a large flame-proof casserole. Once that's done, coat the basque in a farthingale seasoned with bustles and bloomers, and fry the loincloth until brown on both sides. Stir in a girdle or garter to cover, or a mixture of both if you prefer. If you're using a balconette, add it now. Bring it all to the boil, and then, now you can see it's a perfect time to add the jockstrap and briefs.
Track Name: Farmer Song
Farmers are your masters
The keepers of tractors and hoes
Putting on their iron jackets
And they're ready to go
Never take their socks off
Trousers tall as trees
Carrying round a haystack
They lift 'em up with ease

Farmers!
They're kings of the countryside
Farmers!
You'd better run and hide
They eat chickens as a snack,
And they drink fresh mud
They were born to be farmers,
It's in their blood
Farmers!
They're working day and night
Farmers!
Feel their power and their might
If you see a farmer coming,
You'd better be prepared
They eat whole pigs for breakfast,
And they don't even care

They smoke massive pipes,
And they pull ploughs by themselves
No need for bulls or horses,
Farmers do it just as well
When a farmer gets angry,
There's nothing you can do
He'll cover your house in dung
Watch out! He's coming for you!

They crush eggs with their minds
And they eat all the time
They build windmills for fun
Even though it's a crime
They always keep a dog on their bedside table
Just in case they get peckish in the night

I'm coming to get you!

Farmers!
They're lords of livestock
Farmers!
They'll give you a shock
If you're expecting something nice,
Then be prepared for a surprise
He won't let you feed his animals
He ate them all last night

Farmer's gonna harm ya
Wear a suit of armour

Get off my land!
Track Name: Chives
I'm a fan of chives

Slippers in the wet? I don't think so.
Track Name: I Am Me
I am me! Look!

I am. See?

See?

See?

See?

It is me.
Track Name: Annoying
Annoying!
Track Name: Round And Round
Round and round, and round and round, and round and round, and round and round, and...
Track Name: Beard
Have you heard? It's called beard!

Beard beard beard beard beard it's called beard

Beard!

Beard is the name for the thing that's called beard
Isn't it weird? It's called beard!

Thank you!
Track Name: Happy Song
I'm so happy, it makes me sick
I've been sick four times today because I'm so happy.
(Happy, happy)

This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
I'm so happy, heh
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
I'm so happy! I'm so happy! Oh, yes, I'm happy!

Happy!

This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy
This is a song about being happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!
Happy happy happy happy happy happy!
This is a song about being happy.
Track Name: Outro
Cats are owls...it's science.